As I posted in the past, I had surgeries on both of my kidneys to remove cysts caused by Polycystic Kidney Disease. There were over 200 cysts removed from each one. My first surgery was in January and almost a month later, I had my second surgery. The second surgery didn’t go as well as the first. I imagine a lot had to do with the fact I hadn’t completely recovered from the 1st one and the Dr says my fibromyalgia increases the pain. Needless to say, I was knocked on my ass, physically, mentally and emotionally. I’ve been battling pain and depression since then. I also have some test results that aren’t good. This could likely be due to my surgeries, and I’m praying to God it does. Otherwise they indicate my kidney function is declining rapidly.
On top of all that, I’m trying to get healthy enough to do my job on my own. It is a very physical job. I’m a bundle hauler for a nearby town’s newspaper. I load all the papers for my town and the surrounding rural areas. I then bring them to my town and unload them for the carriers to pick them up and deliver. So my job requires continuous throwing/loading/unloading of bundles. Thankfully I’m considered self employed, so my husband did my job(AND HIS) from January to March 25th. My daughter then took over and does my job(AND HERS). She’s still doing this because I can’t yet. My son helps as well why working his own job.
It’s so hard for me to lose my independence. They say it’s not a burden, but I know it is. How could it not be? My job is from 12:30am until 4am. Then they get a couple hours of sleep before they head off to their jobs.
I’m slowly starting to take over some of the tasks of my job and chores and home, such as laundry. But I have many days I can’t even ride in a vehicle without crying. It’s those moments I have no choice but to take a pain pill and stay home. But I AM improving and that’s the important thing.
I’ve also been trying to come to terms with the fact I have an incurable disease that normally runs in families, but my body mutated it. So I was completely blindsided by an illness I hadn’t heard of before I was diagnosed. Most don’t even know how much I’m struggling with this. Needless to say, with everything going on, I had a slight meltdown and my book reviewing was something I couldn’t handle. Just know that I am anxious to get back to normal and I truly AM sorry for my lack of interest, lack of posts, reviews, etc. I might be absent but I have no intention of disappearing for good. I love books, I love reading, meeting authors and sharing my thoughts with you. I WILL be back.(Geesh…I just channeled Arnold Schwarzenegger!! Aaaah!!!!)
I ESPECIALLY want to apologize to authors & Publicists that I’ve promised to read and review their books and have failed to accomplish this. I hope you will forgive me. My intentions are not to lead you on. When I say I can/will do it, I truly want to do it, think I can do it and plan on doing it! Then something happens that drags me down into this dark pit. I have all these amazing books that sit on my messy desk waiting to be opened and read. But I know the true disservice to you would be if I read/reviewed without my heart in the review. I really hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me and don’t lose faith in me permanently. But I know I will have to earn your trust back and I have full intentions of doing so! All I ask is you give me a chance….WHEN I’m back to myself.
I also want to thank those who have been so supportive of me and who’ve been there to pick me up when I just want to stay on the ground and weep. You give me faith that everything will be ok. So thank you…you all know who you are. ♥
Sending lots of love to each and every one of you. I hope you can hang around for me a bit longer. I’m trying to make my way back as soon as possible.